Shifting memories

[steuard]

My earliest memory is actually almost the memory of a memory: my fifth grade teacher had us write the story of our earliest memories, and I've remembered what I wrote even as the memory itself became less and less vivid. I was three years old sitting behind my mother on her bike as she sped down the steep hills of our neighborhood, and it was terrifying. She went so fast, and all I could do was watch helplessly as she whizzed around corners and parked cars. I still remember the images and feel of it a little, but I know that when I first wrote the story it was crystal clear. I've often thought about that change and what it might imply about memory in general.

Flash forward to two days ago. While sorting through boxes of old papers, I actually found the fifth grade story itself. It was almost exactly as I remembered it, except for one crucial change: I wasn't scared at all. The story said a lot about how exciting it was, but there wasn't the slightest suggestion of fear or helplessness. Now I really want to know what happened (and when) to transform that memory from positive to negative. (For that matter, I want to know when I went from enjoying that sort of thrill to disliking it. And I wonder if the two are related.)

Comments

Early memories

[beth_leonard]

Interesting. I wonder if your fifth grade self relived it as scary but changed it for the teacher and/or any fellow students who might have read it?

I have very vague memories of a memory of going to the mattress store to pick out my big girl bed and playing in the children's area there with other kids. I have slightly more vivid memories of going to the hospital to see my new baby brother. (I was 31 months old at the time.) I remember when my grandfather picked me up so I could see through the glass window. He was wearing overalls just like I was, and a train hat. I asked which one was my brother, and they said, "the big fat one on the scale." I remember when they wheeled my mom out to the car to take him home and feeling all awkward and worried about it and thinking, "My mom doesn't need a wheelchair, she can walk!"

Tonight at dinner we were asking Peter about his earliest memories. When he was very little he had a strong memory for some events at very young ages (15 months), but it's clear that some of them have faded now.

--Beth

Re: Early memories

[steuard.livejournal.com]

I wonder if your fifth grade self relived it as scary but changed it for the teacher and/or any fellow students who might have read it?

Reasonable question. My first instinct is "no": I don't think I was the sort to cover up that sort of thing (especially in a school assignment: I took those things (too) seriously!), and my memory of writing the story doesn't include even a hint of embarrassment or of leaving things out. Also, my mother has said for years that she was sure I enjoyed the rides at the time.

One possibility I'm considering is that by the time the vivid memory started to fade, I had grown to dislike fast rides. So while the original memory was positive, my newly constructed "memory of a memory" was formed at a time when those experience would have been negative and picked up that impression.

As a side note, Kim and I drove through that old neighborhood (outside Omaha) yesterday along our drive home. Amazingly, the hills there are every bit as steep as I remembered.

Re: Early memories

[steuard.livejournal.com]

Tonight at dinner we were asking Peter about his earliest memories.

I've been very pleased to discover these early artifacts of myself, so I wonder if it would be fun to help Peter make some of his own. I don't know if he's ready to write anything down, but how about recording video of him talking about his early memories and about what he does each day? I've found my old writings like that to be priceless, but I suspect that video might be even more so. (You'd need to maintain some way of viewing them thirty or eighty years from now, of course, but perhaps that won't be as much of a challenge as we sometimes think.)

[kirin]

Not a big fan of roller-coasters, eh?

My early memories are very sparse. I can think of a couple pretty early negative ones (at least, I have a hard time imagining a positive spin on pooping in my pants in pre-school), and a few things that I'm pretty sure are actually memories of seeing pictures of events around that time rather than direct memories. Interestingly, though, even the few I think *are* direct have a sort of "third person" feel to them.

After that I get very little from elementary school... things don't start to pick up until middle and high school, but even then it's pretty spotty. memory like a steel sieve, that's me.

[steuard.livejournal.com]

Not a big fan of roller-coasters, eh?

I've finally decided that no, I'm not. That goes back a long way: my earliest experience with a roller coaster was a really short, tame kiddie coaster (I can't have been out of elementary school yet). My dad talked me into giving it a try on the condition that I be allowed to get off after just one lap of the track if I wanted to (it usually went two or three). I tried it, and sure enough, I quit after one.

I'm not sure that I tried a roller coaster again until grad school (theme rides at Disney Land don't count). They're exciting, and the physics is a bit interesting, but adrenalin somehow doesn't entertain me much at all. Also, I've found that after one to four of them (depending on hydration and probably the details of the rides) I always get motion sick (which tends to last for quite some time). So I've more or less decided to declare them a lost cause.

[kirin]

I'm not even sure whether adrenaline is a significant factor in my enjoyment of roller coasters, since they don't really scare me much. I just find high and/or fast things to be fun. I suppose partly it's just novelty, which tends to be a big part of entertainment for me. (Says the person who can spend 100+ hours playing the same console RPG, so clearly that's not the only thing going on.)